Any behavior that moves you further from your goals is self-sabotaging, self-defeating behavior. These behaviors are negative because they distract you from your goals and leave you feeling exhausted. They may be a defense mechanism you rely on to cope with stress. Or it could be an act of self-sabotage as you reach your goal. Sometimes, we get a little too comfortable in the comfort zone. The more time you spend there the more confidence you lack, thus sabotaging your progress and keeping you frozen in place.

The Common Forms of Self-Defeating Behavior

Physical neglect
Mental neglect
Social withdrawal
Procrastination
Perfectionism
A refusal to accept or request help
Comparing yourself
Self-pity
Sabotaging relationships
Risky behavior
Over-spending
Emotional eating, undereating, binge eating
Self-harm

This list is by no means exhaustive, but these are just some of the common self-defeating behaviors people engage in.

Stop Self-Defeating Behavior

If you are engaged in self-defeating behavior, you can take steps to rectify things. The first step in your journey to halt self-defeating behaviors is identifying those behaviors. What behaviors are you engaging in that get in the way of you reaching your goals? Self-awareness, reflection, and insight are key parts of uncovering these behaviors and beginning the journey to change.

· Be Real

You have to accept the fact that these self-defeating behaviors are having a negative impact on your life. It's time to stop minimizing, it's time to stop rationalizing, it's time to be real with yourself. Take each behavior in turn and examine the impacts it has on your life.

As you begin this journey, be sure that you don't get too down on yourself. It's not a sprint, you have to pace yourself because there will be moments you feel overwhelmed with self-doubt. You aren't weak. You're not a bad person. You are a human and humans deal with a wide range of emotions. They are all valid, but they aren't necessarily always accurate. Give yourself space to process your emotions. Give yourself time to deal with your self-defeating behaviors.

· Avoid Impulsivity

Impulsiveness is not your friend. If you know you're guilty of emotional eating when you're feeling stressed, then you have to take steps to keep tempting food out of your home. If you know anger and frustration cause you to go on an online spending spree, take steps to block those websites. Whatever it takes to avoid giving in to the impulsivity that is negatively impacting your life.

· Practice Mindfulness Meditation

When you focus on the present it can help you shut out all of your distractions. It's a great tool to identify the behaviors and emotions that are tripping you up. It's also an effective tool for relieving stress and anxiety.

· Self-Reflection

You can self-reflect by taking quiet time daily or through journaling. Either is a great way to notice patterns of behavior to build better behavior.

· Therapy

If all else fails, seek professional help. If you reach a point where you have done as much as you personally can and you're still struggling to overcome your self-defeating behaviors, then a professional can help guide you moving forward. Therapy can help you identify triggers that cause those self-defeating behaviors. More importantly, it can help you access the tools you need to replace unwanted behaviors with healthier options.

Learn More about Therapy for Low Self-Esteem and Perfectionism by Clicking Here

If you’re finding yourself stressed, overwhelmed, anxious please feel free to email/call me for a free, no obligation, consultation.

Remember, you deserve to have the life you want!

heather@setsailtherapy.com 317-648-9295.